Funny enough, when I force myself to blog, i can't come up with much to say. Things have been fairly smooth lately. I still despise living with my in-laws. But it think it's more that i despise living in someone elses home and having to do things their way. I want my house, my rules, my family. I know that encapsulates a whole different set of issues while alleviating others at the same time. But in our own place, its a partnership, working together to be a family. Albeit, with a roommate but i think it will be more bearable than it was here. And beautifully enough, I found a sweet place on the cheap that we could easily afford with a roommate. It's too bad we don't have any cash saved for move in yet. Hopefully things will fall into place and we may know of someone to help us raise the cash till we get our tax return in February. It's right where we wanna be and upon completion of my Pharmacy training, right where we both work as well. It nearly everything we wanted, well almost. It's not a single home but the setup is perfect for a roommate. Keeping my fingers crossed. Even if this deal doesn't work out, there's still hope for the spring.
I've been missing my loved ones that have passed lately. Especially my Dad and Mikey. Mike was the only true friend I had in Virginia. He cared about me, he looked out for me. All in all he was a great guy. If I hadn't been with Phil, I've been with him. He really was a good friend to me. He was an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on and I did both. I am so grateful for our brief conversation the night he died, Super Bowl Sunday 2009. Sometime late that night or very early the following morning he had a massive heart attack and died. Luckily he was at his Mom's with her and his brother. He was only 36 years old. Deaths like that are the reason I don't believe in God. There was no sensible or spiritual reason for him to die, I know that for sure, 100%. Mike wasn't a very healthy guy. He lived life in full force, had a bad diet, smoked more than a pack of cigarettes a day, and had a stomach like a rock. You know, not that rock hard abs stomach but that I haven't cared for my physical well being and love bad food so I've got chicken legs and a 42 inch (probably more) gut.
Virginia was an interesting experience for me but not very enjoyable. We struggled the whole time we were down there and it made me realize just how spoiled I was to grow up in a middle class New Englandish type of life. I did not like the ghetto-like environment down there. It was upper class living amongst impoverished, drug dealing, ignorant assholes. And alot of us were stuck somewhere in the middle.
All my life, I fantasized about moving here or there, and how much I was so sure I would love it anywhere I went, as long as it wasn't here. In high school, it was picking a college that would get me out of town. Had my circumstances been different when I did go away to school, I'd probably still be living in the country just outside of Erie, PA. Silly me thought I had found my husband just before graduating, got engaged but went away to school anyway. 3 short months later, I missed my fiance, disregarded every piece of advice I had gotten, quit school and moved back home.
We often wonder where we'd be if we had made different decisions "back then". But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be right here, right now and I don't know that I'm to keen on that. Phil and I have dreams and aspirations. We also have plans to make those a reality. They are certainly feasible and are taking steps to make them happen.
It could be worse, but I see that light at the end of this tunnel. The light that leads to another split in the tracks, and so far, we know which way we're going. I'm optimistic, cautiously so, but optimistic nonetheless.
Funny, i found something to talk about. I always do.
